Note from Indian Cross-dressing Novel: This story has been contributed by our reader Pallavi Desai. All the rights to this story belongs to her. Indian crossdressing novel has only published this story with minor editing.
Pallavi and the journalist Nandini were seated comfortably. Nandini was all set to record the story of Pallavi, a pioneer transwoman in this country. Pallavi, a confident woman now, had recently received the ‘woman of the year’ award. She looked content in her red salwar kameez. She straightened her dupatta, and crossed her legs. Nandini turned on the tape-recorder and gave a green signal to Pallavi to narrate her story. Pallavi smiled and began narrating here story.
I was born Pratik, a male child to my parents. I was the second child with one elder sister. In those days, We were living in Gandevi, a village near Navsari city, in Gujarat state.
My father was an Excise Inspector for rural range of Navasari, a highly respected person in our village. We are Brahmin. My both the parents are religious minded and believed in astrology.
You will be surprised to know that the astrologer told my parents that they can’t have a male child, and even if a son is born out of some good fate, he will become a woman after the age of 20 years. This wasn’t a good news for my parents. Thus, my mother Gayatri asked the astrologer if there was any way to prevent it from happening.
Astrologer replied to my mother that it is not possible to prevent this from happening. You may try raising your son as a girl until the age of 20. And after some religious ceremony, there is a chance that your son will remain a son after that age. I do not guarantee that it might work, but that’s your best chance.
My father Kantilal did not like the idea of raising his unborn son as a girl. He replied to the astrologer that we will raise him as boy only and we will keep a strict watch on him that he does not show any womanly behavior and we will not allow it at any cost. I will not allow my wife to raise him as girl at all.
When I was born, my father asked doctor to check properly my gender and he confirmed that I am a male child. Before I even started my school, I was already showing my interest in femininity. I used to ask my mother that I want to wear clothes like my sister’s. When my mom told this to my father, he would strictly say no. They made sure that I slept under the watch of my father at night, and during the day, I was forced to play and mix only with boys.
I do not correctly remember my age at the time, but I vaguely remember that my father was away from home for some time. And at that time, I would not stop crying at night until I wore my sister’s clothes. My mother had to do that to keep me from crying. It continued till my father returned back to home ,and no body knew about it. From then onward, whenever I insisted and if we were alone, my mother would let me wear me my sister’s clothes. Seeing me adamant at my choice of clothes, she somehow managed to get a frock for me that will fit me properly. Secretly, she allowed me to put on a frock whenever we got the chance.
When I started going to school, one day I had gone to my sister’s girl friend Nidhi along with my sister Kamal. I really liked Nidhi’s frocks. I told my sister Kamal that I want to wear her frock. Kamal told me that I am a boy and I cannot wear a girl’s frock. Listening to her, Nidhi interrupted Kamal and said, “What’s the harm dear? Let him wear it. He is not going to become a girl overnight by wearing a frock.” You have no idea how happy I was wearing a frock that day in the presence of two other girls. Nidhi told me that I looked really good in that.
We played for some time, and I removed Nidhi’s frock and came back. At night my sister Kamal told my father about the incident. “Bapuji (father), Pratik wore a frock today and he was really looking like a good girl”. My father listened to her, and asked her to leave the room. At night, when I went to the room for sleeping, my father asked me if I wore a frock at Nidhi’s home today? I said happily, “Yes bapuji” (We used to call our father bapuji meaning father in Gujarati language). My father got up and slapped me on left cheek very harshly and said if you wear again in future at any time, he will beat me more and punish also. He called my mother and told her everything. He asked her to see that I must not wear girl’s dress anytime in future at any cost.
After some days, Nidhi once again asked my sister Kamal to bring me with her to Nidhi’s home. It was the time Navaratri, the most festive occasion in Gujarat. Kamal took me to Nidhi’s home along with her. I was really excited to be at Nidhi’s home. And imagine my happiness when Nidhi took out nice skirt and top for me. She gave me that to wear for that evening though Kamal tried to prevent her. Nidhi told Kamal that there is nothing wrong in letting me enjoy to be a girl for a little while. She put on bangles on my both hands. I was so happy that day! Infact, Nidhi was the first one to give me my name “Pallavi”. From that day, she decided to call me Pallavi whenever I would dress up as a girl. But Kamal request her not to do this to me anymore, or she will never bring me to her home. Last time, I got slapped from our father. And Kamal didn’t know what punishment my father would give me this time. She said, “I love my brother Pratik very much, and I do not want him to suffer in any way”. Nidhi understood her concern and promised to Kamal that she won’t do this again in future. After a little while, we came back home.
When we reached home, Kamal looked around to see if our father was there. She could not find him, she felt relaxed. And began to tell our mother, what happened at Nidhi’s home. But just when she was finished talking to mom, she saw that our father was standing at the door. She shivered afraid of our father.
My father called me in the room. Once again, he slapped me but this time on both the cheeks and several time. He was really hard on me and his fingers left an impression on my cheeks. He was very angry and shouted at all of us and went to sleep without taking food. We were all shocked. My mother asked my father, “Are you going to kill my son if he continue to demand wearing girl’s dress” Father replied, “Gayatri, please try to understand. If we let him dress like this, his desire to dress will become stronger and we will loose him. He must be controlled at any cost.”
Such episodes were recurring and every time my father came to know about it, he would beat me, insult me, and punish in different ways. But I insisted more and more, I always wanted to dress up in a girl’s dress. My mother was helpless though she was willing to satisfy my desire. Even my sister Kamal was against my father’s ill treatment to me but could not do anything.
When I gave my annual exam of 4th standard, one day my father at dining table asked if Pratik wants to go to Nina masi’s place during summer vacation with mother.
Mother asked, “Who else will come?”
Father said, “All three of you can go there.”
My sister Kamal said, “I do not want to go there. I plan on taking a summer class this year”
Father said, “OK Kamal, you can stay with me, and Pratik will go with your mother.”
At night I asked my mother to please keep all my three girl’s dresses. If masi allowed it, I would want to wear those clothes. Mother was fine with my request.
After three days, both of us reached at Nina masi’s home. And we were warmly greeted.
To be continued …