Pallavi: New life begins


Note from Indian Cross-dressing Novel: This story has been contributed by our reader Pallavi Desai. All the rights to this story belongs to her. Indian Crossdressing Novel has only published this story.

An important note: Due to our lack of expertise in the medical science, Indian Crossdressing Novel cannot ascertain the claims made in this story. If you need any further clarification about things discussed her, please contact Pallavi Desai on facebook.

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I got up quickly and finished my daily routine. Masi made me wear a red colored frock, bangles, earrings, payals, kajal in the eyes and took me to a sinhasan [ a small temple like structure made of wooden in the home for worship] and asked me to pray to Goddess Bahucharaji (often worshipped by trans-women in Gujarat) to show mercy on me and make me a complete girl as early as possible. I will do all vratas and pujas as is generally being observed by girls. Nina masi offered me prasad, did aarati and then got up.

I bowed down to touch the feet of my mother and Nina masi and took their blessings. Both of them hugged me warmly.

Masi called Tej, her domestic help, and asked her to keep Pallavi aka me with her and asked me to help Tej a little in kitchen.

Mother went to her room.

Masi returned to drawing room and got busy with phones talking to various persons.

After a few days, the school reopened and my routine changed to as masi had previously told me. I had no complaints; in fact I was feeling very natural and happy though I was restricted not to go out of flat as a girl.

Masi collected reports and discussed with Dr. Kusum about dosage of hormones, follow up visits and observation to be made.

In between Masi visited Dr.Kusum to understand why people do Cross dressing?

She got information, and upon returning home, she explained to mother and Tej this information.

It was found in observations done during counseling & research in modern science that,

  1. Mother raises the male child as girl in childhood by dressing him as girl.
  2. The only male child in family among females.
  3. When in mother’s womb, there is someone in family who is a cross dresser and mother  supports that member. This influence gets somehow transferred to child in womb.
  4. Shy or not good looking or person suffering from severe inferiority complex does not get friendship of girl and so creates imagination of him as girl and starts cross dressing.
  5. Some incidence in early life having ever lasting effect on the growing male child.
  6. Out of proportion affection for mother and weak father.
  7. Delicate body structure leading to continuous teasing and may be abused sexually from family, school & college friends and society in general.
  8. Curiosity of wearing different dresses, jewellery, and soft touch of clothes etc and then starts liking it and continues.
  9. Participation in some function as female and then developing a liking for it.
  10. In some cases genetic code is responsible for such behavior.

As per WHO of UNESCO (Of UNO)’s medical experts finding, that there may be psychological or genetic or hormonal problem  prior or after the birth of child but frankly speaking no one really knows for sure, not even psychologists and endocrinologists why male cross dresses as female.

Masi: Exactly what does it means to be a cross-dresser?

Dr.Kusum: Cross-dresser is a person who dresses clothing traditionally worn by that of opposite sex.

Masi: Is it true that cross dressers are gay / homosexual?

Dr.Kusum: No. This is not true. Most of the cross dressers are heterosexuals and live a normal manly life. The proportion of gay / homosexuals among cross dressers is only a small percentage.

Masi:: It means cross dressers are effeminate man?

Dr.Kusum: Even this is also not true. They show womanly behavior only when they are cross-dressed. Most of the cross-dressers maintain a fine balance between their masculinity and feminity. Nobody can even doubt about their secret desire. Actually it is a fact that Navy & law enforcement officers, firefighters, test pilots, doctors, engineers, professionals, sportsman and even rocket scientist are among cross-dressers.

Masi: But is it true that Cross-dressers ultimately want to undergo surgical sex change operation?

Dr.Kusum: Most cross-dressers are perfectly happy with their normal life as a man. A very few small percentage of individuals feel so strongly about being a woman trapped in a man’s body that he goes for sexual reassignment surgery.

Masi: To what extent Cross-dressers are seeking sexual partners?

Dr.Kusum: While females sometimes use clothing to signal sexual availability, most of the time a woman’s attire is simply a personal expression of attitude and style. It’s the same with cross-dressers. Most of the cross-dressers avoid sexual relationship with others.

Masi: Is Cross-dressing not a mental disorder?

Dr.Kusum: Modern psychology accepts that cross-dressing is an expression of personality, which is as immutable as left-handedness.

Any problems cross-dressers may develop are in reaction to social stigma and prejudice – not mental disorder. Social judgment is not a valid basis upon which to regard human idiosyncrasies as mental disorders.

Masi: Are Cross-dressers perverts?

Dr.Kusum: This misunderstanding is the result of media driven stereotypes and is not based on fact. Cross-dressing is simply an outer expression of inner feminine feelings. Mothers and children needn’t feel threatened.

Masi: Is Cross-dressing illegal?

Dr.Kusum: No, it is not illegal. People are free to wear whatever fashion and style of clothing they choose and cannot be compelled by authorities to restrict their apparel to gender specific attire, else women wouldn’t be seen in pantsuits, jeans, T-shirts, etc.

Masi: Many wives complain why her husband kept his cross-dressing secret from her?

Dr.Kusum: Until relatively recently, cross-dressing was a subject about which little was known.

Newly developed knowledge and support resources have opened lines of communication between cross-dressers and their spouses.

Those who keep cross-dressing a secret do so out of fear they will lose their life partner.

Secretive behavior is driven by guilt and shame inculcated by social institutions.

Cross-dressers love wife and children like any normal man loves his family members. This is not an excuse for deception, but it may help you understand why some cross-dressers act as they do.

Masi: Why cross-dresser clings to clothes of opposite sex?

Dr.Kusum: Cross-dressing allows a person to release his “girl within,” to express those personality traits that are normally not permitted to those who are locked into the male role. Cross-dressing serves to unlock the barrier, which separates these two categories of male and female, and allow men who are normally trapped in the masculine role to “escape” and experience the feminine role.

There is a common belief that when a man dresses up in soft, feminine attire, therefore he feels and acts feminine. Clothing serves as a lens to bring out, nurture, project, and amplify personality components which are already within an individual, but for some reason are blocked, slowed, or stifled by some source (usually socially-constructed roles or norms). Clothing serves as a lens, to amplify these traits, to make it easier for a person to express them.

Masi: If we strictly behave with the cross dressing person and force him not to wear female clothes at all, what will happen?

Dr.Kusum: Possibly if the desire is very strong he will run away from home and in all probability may become Eunuch if he is weak or he may get good education and then go for sex change operation and may try to lead and earn a dignified life. But his life will be ruined if he becomes Eunuch as for livelihood he will have to either beg or become sex worker. No, please don’t do it. Please take him to good Psychologist and endocrinologist, assess his medical conditions and then take decisions.

Masi: Thank you doctor for educating me. I will not force Pallavi and I will try to fulfill her wishes.

Dr.Kusum: Allow him his own space. It is also observed that in many cases when cross dresser is accepted; first the frequency of cross dressing increases to daily and if possible for full day but then gradually it reduces to either once in a week or only on some special occasions. Even some leave cross dressing totally.

Masi: Can you summarize what you found about cross dressers?

Dr.Kusum: As per society norms, culture and beliefs, the population of our planet is divided into two sexes; male & female. Majority of population belongs to only these two divisions. But simultaneously there exist groups of people, which show sex orientation deviations between males and females in varying degrees.

Even till recently medical science also divided population into these two categories only. As research and understanding in Psychology and Genetic branch of science have increased, the medical fraternity has accepted the existence of people opting for variation in sex orientation.

The major among the sex orientation variation is classified as cross-dresser / transvestite / homosexuals / lesbians / transgender and transsexuals.

Among cross-dressers, depending upon the stage and medical history, for some there are chances of making the person normal ie, heterosexual but in large majority of these groups, people cannot be helped medically / psychologically.

The only option available is the acceptance of them as they are. Spouse/ partners /children /family members and friends who are affected by the behavior of such people and society in general will have to understand such people. They are also human beings, they seek acceptance and understanding. In absence of acceptance they always suffer from sense of guilt.

The percentage of people falling in these categories is increasing and it is man who suffers maximum. Surprisingly woman can easily wear male clothing and behaviors and is accepted in society.

From the survey done it was found that most of them are intelligent, holding high position socially and professionally, creative and quite sensitive. It covers the age group from very small kids to 80 years old. This group is about 10% of male in India as per estimate made by social agencies working with cross-dressers, homosexual, bi-sexual, transgender and transsexual. We really do not know exact figure because no scientific surveys are conducted

With this they said good bye to each other.

After few days again on one night Masi told me that now she has worked out a complete plan for me.

It will have three parts to completely get trained as girl/woman.

  1. Short term, meaning to be completed in one year.
  2. Medium term, meaning to be completed from one to three years.
  3. Long term going for more than five years.

 

First let us start with Long term plan: Priority wise it will be

  1. Good education so that if you change your sex you can be economically independent.
  2. Learning classical dance like either Bharat Natyam or Oddissi. This is a must because genetically you are male. Girl/woman is very expressive and displays the same through eye movement, facial expression, body movement and emotions. The only way to get perfection is to learn dance properly and effectively.

 

Medium term plan will cover

  1. Learning how to walk, talk, seat, handle clothes and most importantly voice training. To learn this first decide which girl/woman is going to be your role model, meaning you would like to look and behave similar to your role model. You can read magazines and view TV so that you can observe and practice.
  2. Learning different hair styles and advance makeup techniques.

 

In short term period you will have to learn

  1. Small things like preparing tea/coffee/simple food preparation of daily consumption
  2. Learn basic makeup techniques.

 

I will arrange tutor for everything so you need not worry. Your training will start from coming Thursday.

Slowly I will start introducing you to my friends and others in my circle and in society in general but till you pass 7th standard you’re dressing as a girl will be limited to only within this flat unless Dr.Kusum wants to see you as girl. We will not tell this to anybody except those who already know about it.

Your school timings are 1 to 6 so you can do your study in morning from 8 to 10:30 and do home work in evening. You will go to bed latest by 11 p.m.

Now let us talk about your education. Which are your weak subjects? What are your other interests?

I told masi: Mathematics is my weak subject and English is not good. I like drawing and hand work related work.

Masi: I will get you tutor for Mathematics and English. I will make you member of good library where English books are available. You will start with picture type of stories and I will personally help you. Your English must be good, mathematics as a subject can be omitted in SSC.

 

Me: Can I play with Piyu as a girl?

Masi: I will tell you if I think proper. Anything you or mother or Tej wants to ask.

We remained silent so Masi told she has nothing to say so let us all go and do our own work.

I went and started TV and slept there only.

To be continued …

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