हल्दी कुमकुम: एक अनुभव


कृपया ऊपर दिए हुए स्टार रेटिंग का उपयोग कर कहानी को रेट करे!

“क्या एक क्रॉस-ड्रेसर के लिए औरत होने का अनुभव सिर्फ औरतों वाले कपडे पहनने तक ही सीमित है? या उसके आगे भी कुछ है? पढ़िए एक अनजान पाठक द्वारा भेजी हुई एक कोमल कहानी.”

 

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मेरी जैसी औरतों की ज़िन्दगी भी कितनी तनहा अकेली होती है. अच्छी भली जवान होते हुए भी घर से बाहर एक औरत के रूप में निकल नहीं सकती और घर के भीतर, और ३ लडको के साथ रहते हुए मेरे लिए औरत बनकर रहना संभव नहीं था. “लोग क्या कहेंगे?”, मन में ऐसे सवाल तो हर क्रॉस-ड्रेसर के आते है. कभी कभी सोचती हूँ कि काश लोग अपने काम से काम रखते और मुझे मेरी ज़िन्दगी जीने देते. एक औरत की तरह सजने सँवरने के सपने देखते देखते थक सी गयी थी मैं. इंतज़ार था कि कब वो सपना पूरा होगा.

आखिर इंतज़ार के बाद जब मेरी उम्र २५ के करीब हो गयी तब तक मेरे पास एक अच्छी सी नौकरी भी थी. अब आखिर में हिम्मत करके मैंने खुद अकेले के लिए एक किराये का घर ले लिया था.  बता नहीं सकती कि मन में कितनी ख़ुशी थी. आखिर वो समय आ रहा था जब अपने घर के एकांत में मैं निश्चिन्त होकर अपनी पसंद की साड़ी पहन सकूंगी. थोड़े खर्च ज़रूर बढ़ जायेंगे पर अब अपने अन्दर की औरत को मैं एक बार खिलने का मौका देना चाहती थी.
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Haldi Kumkum: An Experience


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“Is the experience of feeling like a true woman limited only to dressing up for crossdressers? Or is there anything more to it? Read this beautiful story contributed by an anonymous reader.”

 

 

इस कहानी को हिंदी में पढ़े

The life of women like me is usually that of loneliness. I am a young woman and yet, I could never go out as a woman. I lived with 3 other guys, so it was impossible for me to become a woman at home. “What would people say?”, that dreaded question that scares every crossdresser like me and prevents them from enjoying their life. I sometimes wish if people minded their own business and let crossdressers live their life as a woman they want to be. I was tired of dreaming of dressing up as a woman someday. I kept waiting for that day when my dream would come true.

After a long wait, when I turned 25, I finally had a job that paid well. Now, I could afford to rent a house on my own and live alone. Finally, I was going to live alone where I could fulfill my dream of wearing a saree of my choice in the solitude and comfort of my own place. I knew that living alone would mean more expenses, but expenses stopped mattering. For once, I wanted the woman in me to experience the womanhood.
Continue reading “Haldi Kumkum: An Experience”

Varsha: Anniversary


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Note: This story is contributed by our lovely reader, Lakshmi Seetha. We have not edited this story in any way. All rights for this story belong to the original author.

“Promise me”, Aruna asked me promise not to do one thing I held to close to my heart. “Promise me. What ever happened in the past stays in the past”, she wanted me to stop my crossdressing after marriage. “Whatever happened, will never happen”, I promised as I did not want to lose her. Continue reading “Varsha: Anniversary”

Varsha: Wedding


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Note: This story is contributed by our lovely reader, Lakshmi Seetha. We have not edited this story in any way. All rights for this story belong to the original author.

June 10, the day I will never forget. It was this day, my college got officially over. When the clock struck 1pm, we handed our theory answer sheets and left the exam hall with heavy heart. I saw my friends hugging each other for one last time. We knew it was a part of our life, but our heart refused to accept it. After emotionally draining last moments with my friends, I vacated my room. Continue reading “Varsha: Wedding”

Varsha: A secret trip


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Note: This story is contributed by our lovely reader, Lakshmi Seetha. We have not edited this story in any way. All rights for this story belong to the original author.

“CHAMAYAVILAKKU?”, I enquired him about what it meant. Excited by my curiosity, Amrith quickly pulled up a chair and explained that the festival is where men dress like women to offer prayers to goddess and how it has been safe haven for cds like us to enjoy our femininity in public without any fear. I was very intrigued by his prospect, but the fear of exposing me in public gripped my heart. My previous experience in public with my sister flashed before me and made my stomach churn. “Sorry man. It’s too risky for me”, I tried my level best to avoid the travel. “Believe me dude, I can guarantee it will be the best days of your life. Trust me”, Amrith threw his usual tantrums and somehow brainwashed me to accept it. Continue reading “Varsha: A secret trip”

Varsha: A new friend


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Note: This story is contributed by our lovely reader, Lakshmi Seetha. We have not edited this story in any way. All rights for this story belong to the original author.

“Is it wrong?” I questioned my sister the next day, after our mother slept. My question was met with silence. “Please answer me, is it wrong for me to dress?” still I received no reply from her. She quickly opened her laptop and began typing “crossdresser” in google search. She opened a wiki page and passed her laptop to me. I began to read the wiki thoroughly and returned it back. “You know what It means right?”, she questioned my new knowledge. I nodded still looking at the page. “See.”, she began. “You are just a guy who likes to wear girl’s clothes. That’s it. There is nothing wrong in it”, she explained. “There are many people like you in this world and don’t even think any other thoughts in your mind” she continued. Continue reading “Varsha: A new friend”

Roommate: Part 5


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Special thanks: Once again  we thank  Nikki Dominoes for providing the face to Chetna, and making this story more beautiful!

हिंदी में यहाँ पढ़े

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My taxi was speeding towards Chetna’s home. I sat there on the back seat going through so many emotions, and so many memories. I was eager to see Chetna. Just the thought of seeing her after 10 long years, made me feel happy and excited. But I was getting emotional too, and a little scared. I could not understand the fear that was disturbing my mind. May be it was because I was not sure how my meeting with Chetna would go. Would she welcome me? Does she hate me? I didn’t know. And suddenly, it started to rain unexpectedly, as if the weather was getting emotional with me. Soon, I was outside Chetna’s home. I didn’t even realize how quickly my time passed in that taxi. That’s what happens when your heart goes through several emotions.

It took a lot of courage on my part to knock on the door of someone who I knew, hurt a lot. Few moments later, I could hear some sounds coming inside from the home. Probably, it was Chetna who was coming out to open the door. Not surprisingly, my heart began to beat faster. I wanted to turn back because I didn’t know how would I control my feelings after seeing Chetna. There was no time to think about it anyway. I just stood there waiting impatiently. I could hear Chetna’s steps approaching towards the door. I could hear the tinkling sound of her bangles. And with another tinkle, the door opened. Chetna was standing right in front of me. It was the same Chetna who I loved with all my heart. The same Chetna I left 10 years ago. And here she was, opening the door for me 10 years later.

We looked at each other. We both had so much to say to each other in our hearts, but our lips could not utter even a word.  We just stood there, looking into each other’s eyes. Chetna was wearing the same red saree that she had worn on our wedding night in Goa. She had a big red bindi on her forehead, just like a married woman, just like my wife Chetna. She was my Chetna! Oh, how beautiful she looked. I kept looking at her big eyes. The time had frozen. Yet, I could see her emotions flooding her eyes with tears. I don’t know how long we stayed there frozen, without saying anything. My heart told me, “Come on, Nishant! Hug her. She is your Chetna. She is your wife! Why don’t you hug her?” But I stood there staring into the deep eyes of Chetna. And she kept looking back intently.

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Chetna opened the door. She was wearing the same red saree she wore on our wedding day. She looked as beautiful as that day with a big bindi on her forehead.

It seemed as if her eyes are going to burst into tears, but then she turned back quickly. She wiped her tears, and asked me to come in. “Come on in”. Her first words. And I was still wordless.

“How was your flight? I came to know from Gaurav that you are coming here for a few days. I was not really expecting that you would come to my home. You must be tired, right? I never like to travel on a long flight.”, Chetna spoke a lot of words very quickly. She was trying to hide her emotions behind those words. But she could not.

I walked behind her to get inside the house. My Chetna was still as beautiful as she was 10 years ago. She must be 33 years old now. With age, he had acquired the gracefulness of a mature woman. I kept looking at her feminine and graceful walk. Her hips waived like a true woman at each step. For the outside world, she might be a crossdresser. But for me, she was a real woman in my eyes. After all, she was my wife. I was realizing after so many years that I had a wife who was living alone without me. Looking at her dressing, I was sure that she had dressed specially for me. Today, she was wearing anklets on her feet which made the beautiful “Chham Chham” sound at each step. And at each step, her “Chham Chham” was forcing me to feel what I had lost.

“My flight was not too bad.”, I gave a short answer to Chetna. If you think about it, our heart can play funny tricks with us. It keeps telling you to say so many things to the person in front of you, but when the time comes, it just goes quiet. And everything remains in the heart itself. Continue reading “Roommate: Part 5”