Suhasini: The Stress

Will Suhasini be able to manage her dual roles as a father working full time and as a mother for her daughter Deepa?

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“MOTHER”, the word and Aarthi’s smile indicated that she had given her approval. Things turned back to normal between us and regular contacts resumed. She would appreciate me but she was careful not to come between me and my daughter during weekends. Whenever I invited her to visit my place, she would politely decline it as she did not wish to barge in and disrupt the moments between Deepa and
her mother. After my prolonged persistence, she visited on rare occasions and slowly joined the party.

Over the months, whenever she had free time she would come to our apartment over weekends and help me in preparing dishes and other routines. Also she would help in correcting my makeup and dressing mistakes. She would also advise me about how women feel and behave during different situations. Having her beside me provided a morale boost which helped me in enhancing my feminine qualities even whenever I became a mother. On top of it, exploring the feminine world was a revelation as I saw the world through my wife’s eye.

I now had Aarthi’s approval who would frequently give me advice on how to behave as a woman.

Rubini was totally impressed when I informed her about Aarthi’s advice and she too decided to listen to her advice via phone calls/chats. I couldn’t ask for
anything more in my life and the weekends were just nothing short of adventure.


“Guhan, do you have minute”, my manager called me from his cabin. “Yes, Amrish”, I stood before him.

“Please take a seat”, my manager pulled the chair near him. I closed the door and seated myself in front of him. “You are aware that our project is currently in YELLOW”, my manager opened a power point and showed me the burn out chart.

“Yes, I saw them in the mail. But, that’s not a problem. We can complete it before deadline”, I gave him my assurance. “That’s the problem here”, he twisted my answer. “Why do you think so?” I enquired him about the problem.

“Today morning, customer has come up with a new deadline. We have to release it 3 months before the estimated deadline”, I was in utter shock as he spoke. “That’s impossible”, I pointed him about the toll it would take on Team leaders and junior engineers if it were to be done earlier.

“I too felt the same. But you know, customer says we do it”, he too was helpless as he said. “May be we can arrange a meeting and discuss with team”, I too felt the same as customers are gods in corporate culture. Amrish quickly booked a meeting and brainstormed with team to meet the new deadline. It was decided at the end that all engineers will be working on weekends.

“Not as bad as I thought, I will work from home” I said to myself and informed my manager. “Sorry Guhan, I need you in office”, Amrish rejected me in no time.

“But I can’t, I have a daughter…”, I narrated my reality. “I know, just till release. Leave her under your relatives care till then”, Amrish was in no mood to entertain me. “Shit man! It is bad” I cursed myself and accepted his proposal.

If accepting to come on weekends was harder, then convincing my daughter to allow me was the hardest. “Deepa”, I slowly opened up the topic while eating. “Yeah”, she replied looking at TV. “Mommy can’t come this weekend because…” I made weird expressions as I begun to explain her. “NOOO!!!!” she screamed at the top of her lungs and rushed to the bed and locked it from inside. “Deepa, listen to me” I knocked the door only to receive a loud scream again. “You Liar” I could only hear her muffled screams behind the door. “Deepa, please”, I slowly explained the crisis situation I was facing in my office. I stood in front of the door with silence giving me company. After 15 minutes of pin-drop silence, she opened rubbing her eyes. I quickly sensed that she was crying and hugged her tight. After an emotional moment, she kissed me on the cheek and went to sleep.

I completely stopped dressing for next two months to endure the painful night and weekend works. But, what was more painful to endure was to see my daughter’s happiness crumbling in front of my eyes. During the initial weekends, she would at look at me on Friday nights hoping that her mother will come this week. But, it only seconds for me to crush her dreams by saying a plain NO. Soon, she understood me and stopped her pesters. Though she behaved normally her eyes suggested the converse. Every weekend, she would look at her mother’s wardrobe for few moments and touch them to get the feel. In spite of noticing her, I continue with my work.

Soon the deadline week arrived and the pressure increased exponentially to deliver a quality product. The pressure gripped me to the core to the extent that I began to work from home in late nights. During one such night, Deepa came to me with an invitation. “Annual Day Celebrations” I glanced through the card as I read the title and fortunately the date was a week after the release.

“We will definitely go” I gave my thumbs up to her and continued my work. “But?” she placed a twist in her sentence. “But, what?” I looked puzzled and looked at her eagerly. “I want to go with Mother”, her words threw me off my groove. “What?” I was befuddled by her request. “Okay…uh…I will ask and tell you tomorrow”, I did not want to start an argument late night and requested her to sleep.

Working late night shifts and skipping meals took a toll on my body. “Amrish, I am not feeling well. I am going home”, I requested permission from my manager. “Time is…uh…12:30. But, the release is tomorrow!” my manager was skeptical of my permission. “Yeah, don’t worry. I will login from home” I assured him and left early. Though I supported from home, I was totally drained of physical and mental health. By 4:30pm, I somehow gathered strength to pick up Deepa. “Will mommy come to function?” she began her pester from the school entrance itself. “Okay…okay”, I tried to dodge the bullet. “Answer me!” she continued her question till we reached home.

As god would have it, my manager called me to discuss another important issue just as I entered home. “Just give me a minute, Amrish”, I ran to open my laptop and began to browse through mail. Without knowing the seriousness, Deepa still continued her pester and suddenly, I snapped.

I snapped at Deepa.

“Will you please stop it!” I shouted at her on top of my lungs and unknowingly knocked her on her head. She began to cry out loud which prompted me to shout at her even more. Hearing my loud scream, Aarthi who was returning to her apartment after work began to bang on my door. After I opened, she noticed Deepa crying and quickly went to console her. “Take her to your room … please”, I controlled my anger and requested Aarthi to help me. She took Deepa to her room without even looking at me. I banged the door shut and began to work on the office issues.

By the time I was done with my work, the clock reached 11pm. “Oh man!” I quickly rushed to Aarthi’s apartment and rang the bell. Aarthi opened the door holding Deepa who was fast asleep. “Thanks” I placed Deepa on my shoulders and left to my apartment. The next morning, Deepa did not even look at me while getting ready for school. “Talk to me…please”, whenever I came close to her for apology, she ignored me and carried on. “I got a surprise for you”, I used my final trick to make her talk during breakfast. “Which is?” though she was surprised, she acted normal and asked me what it was. “You know… uh… I talked to mommy”, just as uttered the word she jumped out of chair and came close to me.

I am glad Aarthi was there to take Deepa with her.

“What did she say?” she was all over me while asking her question. “She said… uh… uh… YES”, as soon as I said, she hugged me tight and began to cry.

To be continued … 

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Experience: My first saree

The experience of wearing my first saree by Naina Menon

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Note: This is a true experience story shared by the beautiful Naina Menon, who is currently undergoing transition to become a woman of her dreams. Do you have a story like this to share?


The sun was up high and the heat of Trivandrum in the month of June was building up. Everyone had given up on the monsoon to hit early in the year 2001. I was new to the school and had made ample amount of friends in a few months. The extra classes were held for the class to finish the syllabus and that’s why we were in school in the month of May.

It always made me jealous coming to school in civil clothes as I could see the girls in my class wearing the clothes that I desired. After the school, I reached home at around 12 and quickly changed into my mother’s old salwar kameez and roamed around the house like a young princess! I didn’t worry much as my parents were both working and came late by 5 pm. And my sister was doing her college in bangalore.

At around 2 pm, the bell rang and I knew it was our maid. Usually I used to change and open the door for her to keep my crossdressing a secret. But today, I felt let’s just open up! I opened the door and without seeing her walked back into my room. She closed the door and went on to do her work.

Naina: I used to wear my mother’s salwar kameez in my school days. But today I have my own.

In my room, I changed into my usual clothes and went up to her. I asked her if she had seen me when she entered. She replied, “yes”. So I asked if she had seen what I was wearing. She said she didn’t notice. She grew curious and asked me what was it all about.

I said that I could tell her but she would have to promise me to keep it a secret between us, to which she agreed. I ran into my room, dressed up and presented myself to her. She didn’t seem surprised, but happy! She gave me a hug and said that I looked like a cute little girl!

I helped her in some chores and asked her if she could teach me how to drape a saree. She said yes, but was concerned where I could get a blouse of my size. She promised to get a blouse for me from the market the next day. I didn’t want her to spend money for my blouse, so I gave her 50 bucks which was the cost of a simple velvet blouse those days!

Next day I was waiting eagerly for her dressed up in another salwar kameez. As she arrived, she said , “Are you ready to learn?” And started smiling. She was a woman in her late 20s, married and blessed with two kids. Yet, me and her shared a bond that no one would understand.

She used to prepare food for me in the afternoons, cleaned our house and used to give me company when no one was at home during the afternoon hours. Since no body was expected to be home, she asked me to wear the blouse and petticoat and come out when I am done.

I am happy woman today.

The blouse was black colored velvet material with golden embroidery! It was probably more than 50 bucks! I asked her why she spent the extra money from her pocket. She replied that she has two sons and when I opened up to her, she felt as if god had given her a daughter in the form of me.

She didn’t think why I was doing it, why I dressed up as a girl. She was just happy, without any reason. That’s what true love is. She dressed me up in a yellow saree that belonged to my mother and draped it in the best way possible! Once done, she moved back and said, you look so pretty! That made me blush and she gave me a hug and a peck on my head as she was taller than me by a few inches.

Even today when I drape a saree, I look into the mirror and see her legacy!

Later, this became a routine and she draped the saree for me everyday. I slowly started learning it by observing and practicing. I don’t know when I started draping it on my own and when I actually became good at it! But I give all my credit of draping a saree to my “aunt”. She left us when I was studying in class 11 to work in the UAE. I will never forget this lady and she will always remain in my heart even though it’s been more than a decade since I lost touch with her. Wherever she is, I hope she is good and spreading live and happiness! This was my story of first saree! Even today whenever I drape a saree, I look into the mirror and see her legacy!

Image Credits: Naina Menon

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Caption: Being a man!

When a man tried to humiliate a crossdresser in front of other women…

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He tried being a macho, and tried to humiliate me, in front of other ladies. All because I was a man who wears sarees. But I didn’t held back and responded back by saying, “Why don’t you go away and show your machoness somewhere else? Because under my saree pleats, I am more man than you are! Besides it takes a bigger man to wear a saree with high heels and walk confidently.” When I spoke these words, all the ladies came near me and stood behind me. And he walked away saving his face.

Be confident girls!

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दूसरी औरतों के सामने अपनी मर्दानगी दिखाने के लिए वो मेरा मज़ाक उड़ाने की कोशिश कर रहा था क्योंकि एक आदमी होते हुए भी मैंने साड़ी पहनी थी. पर मैं ऐसे कैसे चुप रहती तो मैंने भी उसे पलट कर जवाब दिया, “ओये हीरो, जाकर अपनी मर्दानगी कहीं और दिखाना. क्योंकि मेरी साड़ी की प्लेट के निचे मैं तुझसे कही ज्यादा मर्द हूँ. और वैसे भी साड़ी और ऊँची हील की सैंडल पहनकर सर उठाकर सिर्फ एक आत्म-विश्वासी आदमी चल सकता है.” मेरी बातें सुनकर वहां की सभी औरतें मेरे साथ मेरे पीछे खड़ी हो गयी. और वो चुप-चाप अपना मुंह छुपाते निकल लिया.

बी कॉंफिडेंट गर्ल्स!

सभी कैप्शन पढने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे

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Suhasini: The Trust

After Suhasini got caught by her neighbor Aarthi, she had to make amends with Aarthi. But how will she do that?

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“Mommy!”, Deepa came running towards me as me and Aarthi stood still looking at each other like a statue. “Mom?”, Aarthi’s gasped for breath like she was watching a horror movie. “Bye… deepa”, she somehow managed to sport a smile and slammed the door as she left.

The coming weekdays were just hell on earth for me as I never dared to look at her face to face. She too began to ignore me whenever she saw me walking in the apartment floor. The incident took a toll on my office work as I was never able to get it out of my mind. After much speculation, I decided to come clean to her as she was the only supportive figure for me after my wife’s death.

Aarthi slammed the door and left me devastated.

I phoned Rubini and explained her about the unfortunate incident. “Hell no!” was her initial response after hearing my proposal. “Why not tell her?”, I began to convince her that my actions are necessary to make amends with her. “Okay Fine…but one more thing?”, she finally caved in after my explanation.

“Don’t worry. I will never reveal anything about you to her”, I assured her that she will remain in shadows. “That’s not, you idiot. I don’t want you to talk alone to her. I will come to your place this weekend and I will do the talking”, her response just gave me chills. “What? I can handle it alone”, I once again assured her that I can handle the situation myself.

“Seriously, you must be joking. Do you remember the day when you came to me for help”, she rekindled the past events. “Yeah, I remember”, I was puzzled by her cryptic sentence.

“Then you can also remember that I had to pull your tongue out for words”, she poked me of my awkwardness when I first met her. “Yeah”, I kind of agreed to her sentence. “I am 90% percent sure that you will definitely sabotage whatever that is left between you two. So I will do the talking, Saturday@11”, she hung the phone just after I gave her the address of my apartment.

I phoned Rubini to see if she has any solution for my problem.

Finally, the weekend arrived and as usual Deepa began her pesters from the morning and left to play with her friends hoping to see her mommy after she arrives from playground. The clocked ticked 11am and Rubini as Ruben was standing in front of the door. “Shall we?”, he was waiting for my approval.

“Sure, that’s her door”, I pointed her door as I locked my apartment. “Why are helping me?” I gave a puzzled look. “A Teacher always looks out for her students” he replied as we both walked towards her door. “Now take a deep breath”, he ordered me as he rang the bell. After few rings, Aarthi opened the door and gave us a death stare. “Please leave before I call the police”, she gave us a warning and tried to shut the door.

“Madam, please”, Ruben tried to persuade her. “Who are you?”, she gave him another stare. “Ruben, nice to meet you”, he sported a smile and raised his hands for a shake. “Whatever? Just leave”,  Aarthi rebuffed him and shut the door hard.

Aarthi threatened to call police but Ruben was still laughing.

Ruben began to laugh which further increased my frustration. “What is there to laugh?” I angrily questioned him. “I told you I was 90% sure, right?” he recalled the previous phone conversation. “So, what” I stared at him as I answered. “Now, I am 100% percent sure that you would have messed it up”, he began to laugh again. “Will you please FOCUS”, I pointed him to the door bell.

“Here we go again”, he once again rang the door bell. After waiting for another 5 minutes, Aarthi once again opened the door and warned us to leave her alone. “Madam, Will you please allow me to say our story. Once we are done, you can call the police”, Ruben tried to ease her with his words. “Okay, talk”, she leaned on the door and signaled with her hands. “If you don’t mind, inside”, Ruben opted against speaking such sensitive issue in open. Aarthi took a deep breath and let us both in. She sat opposite to us as we sat on the sofa and gestured us to talk.

“Before I start, Promise us one thing”, Ruben began to talk serious. “Promise what?” she talked in serious tone as well. “Whatever I say, stays within these walls”, he wanted her assurance that she will remain silent no matter what happens. Aarthi just nodded silently and gestured us to talk. Ruben began to explain in detail from the Goa trip till the day I met him in his club. During this entire episode, I lowered my head and never dared to look at her as I was not sure about how she would react to me.

“That’s all; you can call the police now”, Ruben seated himself comfortably on the sofa. There was an eerie silence of about 10 minutes where none of us uttered a single word.

“Sorry”, Aarthi choked a bit as she spoke. I slowly titled my head only to see her eyes swollen in red. “I am sorry”, her voice was fractured as she said controlling her tears. “It’s okay”, I just nodded back and managed to smile a bit. “It’s time for me to leave. Thank you for your patience”, Ruben left the place as the clock displayed 11:30am.

I slowly got up without looking at Aarthi and left her place as it was time for me to get ready for the act. Just as I was about to open my door; “Shall I come inside?” Aarthi said in her own sweet tone. “Sure”, I let her in and told her to get seated in the hall. I locked the bedroom door and began my transformation. It was 12:15 when I completed my dressing and stood in front of the bedroom door thinking whether I should open it. After mustering courage, I opened the door and stood before her.

Aarthi stood there in awe of my transformation.

“You look Am… mm.. Amazing!!”, she could not believe her eyes and stood there in awe. “If you don’t mind”, she stepped forward and began to touch my face. I remained as a silent spectator while she inspected my makeup. “Flawless!” her face was in shock as she stepped back.

“Ding Dong”, deepa began to shout while ringing the bell. Aarthi opened the door and let Deepa inside as just watched their reaction.

“What are you doing here, aunty?” Deepa questioned her as she held my hand. After few silent minutes, “Nothing, I was just talking to your mother”, she responded casually and thanked me for talking to her.

“Goodbye Mom”, Deepa sported a wide smile as she closed the door.

“Nothing, I was just talking to your mother”, said happy Aarthi as she hugged Deepa. 

To be continued … 

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