Please use the star ratings above to rate this story!
Note: Dear ladies, this is my honest attempt to share my experience after my wedding through this story. This story is a blend of a little fiction and a bit of my real experience. It is my sincere hope that you would like it. Please don’t forget to comment and share your views if you liked this story.
“I don’t understand this, Kabir. Why would you be interested in wearing women’s clothes? Clothes are only clothes. They are meant to cover your body. That’s all. Then, why would you want to wear women’s clothes?”, my new wife asked me when I told her about my unusual habit of occasionally dressing up in women’s clothes. She was not arguing with me, but she was anxious. Anxious because this was really confusing for her. It is not easy for any woman to hear that her husband loves to dress like a woman. And it wasn’t easy for my wife either.
“I don’t know how to explain this to you, Tanu. I don’t even know if I am even capable of explaining it.”, I was being honest with her. “And this might take a long time before you could even get an idea about how I feel. This may take days or even months for you to truly understand.”, I said to her trying to calm down her confused mind.
“I am in no rush, Tanu. We will take our time.”, I further said. I myself was going through a turmoil in my heart. I don’t even know if it was the right thing to tell Tanu about my desires so soon in this marriage.
“But at least try once to explain it to me, Kabir.”, she had tears in her eyes. My own heart felt a churning inside as I saw tears in the eyes of my simple and loving wife. She wasn’t crying at her luck; she was crying because she wanted to understand her husband. How was I supposed to explain something to her which I haven’t understood myself? How could I explain my desires to her when the world’s medical experts don’t know the reason behind it?
I hugged her in my helplessness, and caressed her hair with my fingers, and said to her, “Alright. I will give it a try. I don’t know if I will be able to explain everything.” I paused. “But before that, I need a promise from you Tanu.”
She held my hand in her hands to convey that she is with me in this. “Please promise that you won’t judge me, and you will continue to respect me the way you did before today… Because I am nothing if I lose respect in your eyes. Also, please never forget that I love you, no matter what the circumstances are.”, I said.
She wiped her tears with her hands, and tried to smile a little. “I promise you Kabir. I really want to understand you. I am going to respect you no matter what.”, she said. I smiled at my innocent wife. She was not realizing how difficult it would be for her to keep this promise.
I don’t know if Tanu believed in my love for her, but what she just said now, told me that she definitely loves me a lot. Otherwise, it was not possible for any woman to say what she just said. She is young, and still she exhibited maturity and patience that takes years for someone to learn.
Speaking about me, this was probably the most difficult thing to talk about my own personality. But I had to tell her something. This is such a topic that cannot be kept hanging for later when the subject has been broached.
I touched my wife’s arm which was adorned with a beautiful blouse that fit her snugly. I said to her, “Do you feel how your blouse hugs your skin perfectly?”
Tanu was not expecting such a question out of nowhere. She looked perplexed at me. “Have you ever seen any man wear such snug fitting clothes?”, I clarified a little.
Tanu shook her head in no. She thought for a while and said, “But there are clothes like sarees, skirts, and a few salwars designs that are very loose fitting as well.” She had a point.
“Hmm… true. So, have you seen any clothes for men that are free flowing like sarees or lehenga?”, I said. May be I was too quick to respond to her comment. I thought for a while and I asked her, “Don’t you like handling your saree or your salwar’s dupatta?”
“Yes, I like doing that. Kabir, to be honest, I never thought about it.”, Tanu said. “You know I like handling my saree especially in front of you. Your eyes twinkle every time I do something like that.”, she said laughing gently. I smiled with her too. “I really like watching you do that!”, I said being a typical Indian husband.
I felt a little relaxed seeing how she smiled and laughed. And then, she started looking down towards her lap. May be she was thinking something. The way she was playing with her bangles in her hand, it was clear that she was hesitating to express her thoughts.
“Ok. But you know, I didn’t like managing my saree before our wedding. May be it was because it used to get unwanted attention from men. And at times, when I am busy doing chores, I don’t like to manage my clothes in those times … I think I have learnt how to manage my salwar’s dupatta, but I am still learning to handle my saree when I am in the kitchen with your mom.”
“Kabir. I am unable to understand what are you trying to say? Do you like women’s clothes because they are tight fit, or because they are loose and free flowing?”, Tanu asked me trying to bring us back to the original discussion.
I knew it was a tough question to ask for her. I would be surprised if she really wanted to know which clothes I would like to wear myself. So, I just smiled without answering her.
“Listen. Can you answer this for me? Count in your head how much variety girls have when it comes to clothes, and then compare it with the number of option boys have.”, I said. And she started looking at the roof as if trying to think about what I asked. She really didn’t need to. She already knew the answer.
“Yes. Boys don’t have many options.”, she said.
“What about the colors?”, I asked again.
“Hmm… I don’t think boys will look good in colors that women wear. Women’s clothes can be too colorful for them.”, she said thinking out loud.
“Ok. So what about hair styles, jewelry, makeup? Who has these options?”, I asked.
“Of course, with girls. I don’t think boys would want to deal with that.”, she said.
“How do you know that boys don’t want that? Not long ago, men used to wear earrings. Before that in the era of kings, men would wear a lot of jewelry. And even before that, there was not much difference between the way men and women would dress.”, I said. This made her really think hard about why she feels that men wouldn’t want to do any of the things I mentioned earlier.
“I think the difference today exists because women love to appear beautiful.”, she said with all the honesty in her heart.
“And boys don’t want to appear beautiful or handsome?”, I said in a low voice and turned quiet. She turned quiet too. Probably, she was beginning to understand that the boys were never given a choice in their lives to look beautiful.
“What do you want to say, Kabir?”, Tanu asked after a long pause. She already knew what I wanted to say, but probably it was too soon for her to truly understand.
“Not much, Tanu. Not much. All I am saying is there is a huge difference between women’s clothes and men’s clothes.”
Once again, there was silence between us. But I was really thankful that Tanu didn’t say anything that would make me feel bad about me.
That silence was getting unbearable for both of us. Tanu broke that silence. “Do you know when we were kids, my younger brother would wear nail polish and mehendi on his hands? He used to appear so happy whenever my mom would apply nail polish on his small finger nails. But he doesn’t do that anymore.” And then she got closer to me and put her head over my chest. She held my hand and said, “If this society had not taught him that nail polish is meant for girls and not for boys, may be he would still feel happy to get his nails painted.”
It seemed like Tanu was finally getting the gist of how I feel. But she had been taught for years that this is how boys live and this is how girls live … it is not easy for anyone to forget that easily. We both need to proceed with lots of patience and understanding in our hearts.
Sometimes I feel if this society had not created rules of dressing and living for boys and girls, would I still have made a profile with a girl’s name on Facebook?
Image Credits: Pinterest. No copyright violation intended. You may write to us through our Contact Us/Feedback page.
If you liked this story, please don’t forget to give your ratings!